This is why I'm hot.

Once you've worked in direct marketing, your mailbox never looks quite the same. I constantly try to psychoanalyze the marketers who are targeting me. What was it exactly that I signed up for or bought that led marketers to believe I would be interested in Pottery Barn Baby? What algorithm got me onto the Peace Corps list, or this mailing from the New York Review of Books?

After checking my mail today, I'm more confused than ever about what the Ad Wizards of America believe about me. You can imagine my reaction when I got this little doozy in the mail today: a catalogue for Blair, purveyor of ladies' clothing, including pants with "back-shaping darts" and these lovely embroidered jeans with a drawstring AND an elastic waist:

So according to the marketing powers that be, I most likely need instructions on how to "zoom in" and "zoom out" to evaluate my "back-shaping darts" in more detail. I don't mind being sold stretchy pants, but the computer literacy jab stings a bit. Let's take a look at another item:

Caftans: A long, gentle sweep of easy comfort. Just what you crave after a long, busy day or when you want to spend some time at home. Effortless pullover style with a flattering V-neckline, flutter sleeves; 53" L. Seven lovely prints to choose from. Polyester knit easily machine washes and dries. Imported. One size.

Who doesn't crave easy comfort after a long, busy day? And for only $12.99 a pop?? Easy to machine-wash and dry??? Maybe these marketers are smarter than I thought...